


Thirteen Reasons

by BitterGlass



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Harry Dies, Suicide, Triggers, gay!harry, harry - Freeform, harry leaves eight tapes, highschool-au, insecure!harry, one direction - Freeform, sorry for the feels, thirteen reasons why - Freeform, zayn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 00:10:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterGlass/pseuds/BitterGlass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So i guess by now the news has gotten around that I'm dead, that I've killed myself, that I'm just another lost soul and 'oh god i wish there had been signs.'" At this Harry voice turned harsh and mocking. "And if you're listening to this, my last words. Then you're one of the reasons I'm gone."<br/>or<br/>Harry commited suicide and these tapes tell you why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can't find any good storys about this so i decided to write my own

Zayn walked up the drive way to his house, he tried not to notice the moving truck next door, it was no surprise to him that Anne Cox was moving away, he'd heard that she'd moved from the last town after her daughter Gemma had killed herself, and now she'd lost another child to suicide. Zayn wanted to say something but he had never been close to the family, not even the son. Zayn had barely taken notice of Harry until his form teacher had come into the room, his face was unuasully sad as he announced that Harry Styles had commited suicide.  
That had been two weeks ago and Zayn was still shocked by it, stunned by the fact that someone he had known (barely) had killed themselves. Suicide was something you read about in books or heard about it on tumblr. It was different when it was so real.

Zayn walked in and was met by his mum holding a package for him, "This came for you this morning honey."  
"Oh, okay, thanks." He grabbed the box from his mum and walked to his room, this was rather lame to admit but he had never gotten mail before and he couldn't help but be overly curious as to what the package contained. Opening it up he was slightly disapointed to find eight tapes, labeled one to eight. resting on top of them was piece of note book paper that said one word 'watch'.  
Zayn pulled out the first one and turned on the tv in his room before putting the tape in and sitting on his bed.  
And then he breathed in a sharp intake of breath, because on the screen, hair a mess and eyes slightly red as if he had been crying recently, was Harry Styles.  
Zayn pressed pause as Harry opened his mouth to speak. He ran a hand through his hair and paced around, was this some type of joke? Why would he be sent tapes of Harry Styles, he'd barely spoke two words to the kid!  
He knew that the only way to find out would be to press play and continue to watch, so after calming himself and sitting back on his bed he pressed play.  
Harrys voice was scratchy and raw, he looked a mess but was staring determidly at the camera as he started to speak.  
"So i guess by now the news has gotten around that I'm dead, that I've killed myself, that I'm just another lost soul and 'oh god i wish there had been signs.'" At this Harry voice turned harsh and mocking. "And if you're listening to this, my last words. Then you're one of the reasons I'm gone."  
Zayn pressed pause again and stood up before gripping a wall to stop himself from collapsing, he was fiercley thinking back through everything trying to find something he had done to contribute Harrys death. How was he involved in this? Surely it was a mistake.  
Despite his strong urge to throw the tapes away he pressed play again.  
"There are eight of you, one for each tape, some of you are lucky enough to be mentioned more then once, so even after you've watched your tape, make sure to watch all the others. Well make it a guessing game okay?" Harry gave a harsh laugh, "You can guess which tape you are because I'm not going to tell you all the names just so you can skip to yours. After you've watched these pass it on to the person on the tape after yours. If you don't a second copy of these tapes will be made public, and i know you won't want that, especially since a few people on here have reputations that I'm sure you wouldn't want ruined. And don't think about trying to find the second copies, I left them with the one person i can trust, and the one person none of you could bribe or beg." Harry took a deep breath and looked up with a blank face.  
"So lets begin."


	2. Back to the start

"Before I share the name I want to give you guys a little bit of insight into my life before I moved here, by now I'm sure most of you knew that my older sister suffered from depression and commited suicide, after all this town is small and news seem to spread quickly around here."  
That was true enough, it had been one of two times Harry Styles had come to my attention, that was the whole reason behind there move.   
"Everyone was so caught up in Gemma's depression they didn't take a second to look at her little brother, her sweet little brother who was so quiet and so caring and a new one that I hadn't been told directly but overheard, 'He's a bit chubby isnt he?' so heres a secret about the little fifthteen year old, he devloped an eating disorder." Harry looked away from the camera, his hands resting lightly on his stomach. "My mum found out eventually and got me help, and then Gemma died and we had to move. I was still okay, i didn't throw up anymore, i thought i looked okay." He took a deap breath and looked back up, "So why did you have to tell me differently Louis?"

Zayn paused the tape and took a deep breath as well, Louis was a close friend of his, he would have watched these tapes before him, so why didn't he warn him? Zayn could understand him teasing Harry, Louis could get nasty, He'd seen it happen if he's jealous or if you piss him off, if he was commenting on Harry's wieght then chances were he was jealous. Trying to clear Zayns mind he pressed play and Harry resumed talking.  
"Yeah I bet you're freaking out now aren't you Louis, you were the first person I spoke to in this school and you were the one who chose to bring me down. I still don't know why you chose to stop at my lunch table that first day, what was it about me that made you stop and ask my name? I answered with 'Harry' and you smiled so sweetly that for a second I was expecting you to invite me to your table, so tell me? Well you can't because by now I'm gone, but maybe ask yourself, what made you reply with 'Well Harry, Maybe you should cut down on the burgers, we don't take kindly to whales at our school.'" Harry lent a bit closer to the camera, "And that was the starting shot really, ready,set,go."  
"Suddenly I was back to avoiding mirrors, I guess I hadn't recovered as well as I thought if it was that easy to slip back into my old ways, of skipping lunch and purging everything else that found its way into my stomach, and I guess i was doing it for you Louis, so that you'd stop muttering whale when I walked past, so that I could run in sport without you calling out 'earthquake'. But no matter how much i lost it was never enough for you was it? I had my mum screaming at me that she couldn't deal with this all over again, not after Gemma, I should have been mourning my older sister but instead I was counting every calorie because of you." Harry glared at the screen, "Do you know how fucked up that was Louis? Do you get it yet? You seemed so good at seeing my flaws but yet you failed to see how I wouldn't wear anything that wasn't baggy, or how i was no longer there for you to ridicule in the cafeteria because I was too fucking busy throwing up in the toilets!"   
Harry took a shuddering breath and wiped his face furiously.  
"But maybe I'm being too harsh, after all you didn't know I was Bulimic, I like to think you wouldn't have kept the tide of insults coming if you had of known. And that, Louis Thomlinson, is why you're only number one of my list, because you could claim ignorance in your bullying, you literallly did.not.know how bad it was."  
And then Harry gave a short laugh, "Or maybe I just did it because I know it will piss you off that you were the least important on my path to self destruction, go on admit it, deep down you wanted to be number eight."  
Was it sick of him to agree that a bit of Louis would have wanted that, if he was going to be on the list then Louis would have wanted to be the worst.  
"But the second person on my list, well she can't claim ignorance. So put in the second tape and lets get going, I bet you're dying to know." Harry laughed at his morbid joke.

And then the screen went blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd really like some comments on this, who do you think the next person will be? ect. I hope you liked the chapter, my laptop keys are screwed so I'm sorry for missed letters or back grammar.  
> ~


End file.
